[Note: I’m experimenting with transferring my main blog–located at http://www.disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com–to WordPress. In the meantime, the conversation happens over there. Please pop over and join us.]
“The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts.” – Charles Darwin
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was OK. I obviously failed in my goal to post on Friday instead of waiting ‘til the weekend. I had done some writing in another area earlier in the day and was, honestly, a little burned out. Though, my enthusiasm was rejuvenated later in the evening as I was re-watching the streaming series Weeds on Hulu and came to this scene from season 4, episode 7.
Later, you see the main character admiring the lingering hand marks in the mirror. There are a couple of other very explicit spanking scenes in that series. One or more of the writers or showrunners have a spanking thing for sure.
We missed our scheduled check-in under our new “performance improvement” system, but we now have committed to doing them weekly, as opposed to my original plan for monthly meetings. I’m still not quite ready to do a full post on it, because we haven’t been operating under it that long. I will say, however, that Anne seems uncharacteristically enthusiastic and committed to it. I say “uncharacteristically” not as a dig, but simply in recognition of the fact that we have talked and talked and talked over the years about her really taking over our whole DD process and stepping up the overall level of control and strictness. In the past, all the talk never gelled into persistent change. This feels . . . different.
I don’t know why, but it may be as simple as she has more time and fewer important distractions than she had pre-retirement. But, the attitude itself seems different. Maybe it’s like KOJ’s wife dramatically asserting herself once she was no longer concerned about her dominance negatively affecting her career. Or, maybe it’s just the confidence that comes along with age? Who knows, but I do feel like it’s an interesting transitional period we are going through.
It was a good discussion last week, though I don’t have much to highlight from it. I didn’t go back and tally up the responses, but it seems like the group is fairly evenly split between those who would fulfill their fantasies if given the opportunity and those who prefer to keep the fantasy and reality separate. At least with respect to Glenmore’s specific example of a group spanking with multiple spankers and spankees. There seems to be a similar split on the broader fantasy of witnesses. I do wonder why that one fantasy is so prevalent, but it clearly is.
This week’s topic is going to be pretty succinct, because (a) I’m doing a bunch of other stuff this weekend; and (b) I couldn’t think of a broader topic or a good way to expand this one.
It comes from an off-line discussion with Al about some of our instrument preferences, which led to some observations about how prevalent certain instruments were when and where we grew up.
It does seem like certain cultures prefer certain instruments, and I’m not sure whether any instrument is ubiquitous across cultures.
While the ebony hairbrush is, to me, perhaps the most iconic instrument among DD enthusiasts, I don’t think hairbrush spankings were common where I grew up. I can’t recall knowing about a single instance in which a hairbrush was used for spanking purposes, though of course we were all embarrassed by the spankings we got—even though they were pervasive—and we didn’t go around talking about the details.
In the communities I lived in, the almost universally used instruments were paddles and belts. But, while both were ubiquitous, they were used respectively in two very distinct contexts.
At home, the most common instrument by far was the leather belt, wielded with authority by both moms and dads. However, it usually was dad’s belt that was used, and since it was a cowboy culture, they tended to be thick leather western-style belts or heavy work belts.
At school, it was the paddle, to the exclusion of every other instrument. But, as far as I know, paddles were virtually never used at home. I’m not sure why that bifurcation existed, but it did. Maybe the absence of paddles for home discipline came down to the fact that most of the men wore belts daily, so there was almost always one readily available, so why invest in a paddle?
Al and my discussion focused on switches. They were part of the childhood experience for both him and his wife, but not at all for me. Perhaps because of the differences in our experiences, switches are still used for adult discipline in his relationship, while I’ve never been switched. I wonder if this is another example of how geography matters. I grew up largely in the dry Southwest and sort of the Midwest depending on how you define that. There weren’t a lot of large bushes around, so “Go cut a switch and bring it to me” really would not have worked.
Canes seem to me to be a very culturally-dependent instrument of correction. They are iconic to the English, but are they very prevalent in the US in any non-adult setting, and perhaps, while used for DD, mainly among the BDSM community?
My impression is that in other parts of the UK, including Ireland and Scotland, straps and tawses are more prevalent than the cane, but I welcome correction by any of our UK commenters. Given the geographic proximity, I wonder why canes seem to be such an almost exclusively British thing.
I also wonder whether the preference for belts in my early community was because so many of the non-Hispanic population in those areas were of Scotch-Irish descent and the belt was the closest corollary to the strap or tawse? But, there were also many of British descent, and yet caning was unheard of.
Although I think that the cultural-based instrument preferences I observed growing up influenced my emotional reaction to certain instruments, they don’t seem to have had much influence on what we actually use. Anne used to use straps a lot, but seldom anymore, and she’s used belts only very rarely. She rarely wears belts, and maybe that’s unfortunate. Is there anything as sexy to men wired like us as a woman taking off her belt?
Paddles have been more frequently used recently, but not nearly as often as one might expect given how common school paddlings were when we were growing up. Increasingly, we seem to have settled on the ebony hairbrush and the bath brush, with the latter being by far Anne’s “go-to” instrument, even though neither played any role in our early disciplinary environment.
I do wish sometimes that canes, while not a part of my upbringing, were part of our adult discipline repertoire. As time has gone by and having received dozens and dozens of hard spankings, I don’t mark or bruise much anymore. And, like the character in Weeds mentioned above, I admit I liked lingering over the marks of Anne’s labors, including raised welts from a hard strapping or caning.
How about you? What were the most common instruments for disciplinary correction where and when you grew up? Were there certain instruments that were more prevalent in your culture/geographic area? Do what extent did those early cultural instrument preferences influence your preferences, positively or negatively, as an adult?
[Note: I’m experimenting with transferring my main blog–located at http://www.disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com–to WordPress. In the meantime, the conversation happens over there. Please pop over and join us.]
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I’m posting a little early this week, as I’m going to be tied up much of this weekend. I may start shooting for more Friday postings, as our comments seem to wind down earlier in the week, and I seem to have fewer things going on Fridays. While I think posting on the same day every week did help build up the blog, I find that in retirement I’m just not very into keeping an inflexible schedule on any front.
I hope you all had a great week. There’s not much to report here. It was a pretty sedate week, with no major drama. Although, there was one thing vaguely FLR-related worth mentioning. It was a minor thing in and of itself, but it’s another indication that Anne may be in the early stages of a transformation similar to what KOJ has described in which his wife became far more open in her displays of authority after she retired.
We were visiting my parents. Anne was telling some story, and I interrupted her with a somewhat snarky comment. Without missing a beat and without even turning to acknowledge me, she said very firmly and directly, “Excuse me. I’m speaking,” then went on with her story. Again, it sounds minor, but her demeanor was totally in command, in a way that I’m not sure she would have displayed even a couple of years ago. And, the fact that she was that comfortable with a confident display of authority in front of my parents, plus two of my sisters, also seems to me to speak volumes about her increasingly in-charge mindset.
We had a pretty good discussion last week, on what I thought was a very narrow topic. It’s notable that several of you didn’t accept the underlying premise that DD could be a deal-killer in a future relationship, preferring to take the positive view that it probably would not prove that hard to find a woman who was interested in it or to persuade a partner to try it. And, as Al pointed out, it’s almost certainly a case of “nothing ventured, nothing gained”:
“It often seems to be a truism in the F/M DD/DWC community that it is usually quite difficult to convince a wife to take a disciplinary role. However, it is probably even more true that most men are so concerned about the possibility of rejection and looking foolish (weird, unmanly, sick) that they never bring it up (it took me a few years to do so, and even then it was while we were both drunk and swapping sexual fantasies – when I confessed to a “mild interest” in being spanked). This is certainly a very understandable concern, and yet, what I have often seen in spanking forums such as this over the years is that once a wife was approached, they were quite often willing to give it a try to some degree, and many quickly came to enjoy their role as a disciplinary wife.
There were different, and somewhat opposing perspectives on the best timing for approaching a future partner about your disciplinary needs. Mike represented the view that it may take some time to develop the kind of relationship in which one would feel comfortable admitting to that kind of need:
I guess it always depends on the person I would be dating. If she had a strong “take charge” mentality and I sensed an authoritative vibe coming from her, maybe I might open up. But it took me 10 years of marriage and being in a very emotionally vulnerable place to finally open up to my wife about my spanking need. I don’t know if I would have that level of trust and vulnerability at the beginning of a relationship.
Alan took a different view regarding timing, and I really liked his spin on DD as a “deal-maker” rather than a “deal-breaker”:
DD is definitely not a deal breaker at the beginning of a serious relationship, but it can be a “deal maker” and has been for me in my two DD relationships. The depth and intimacy that DD offers make it impossible for other women to compete with a woman who adopts loving female-led discipline. In earlier relationships, I always found myself searching for something missing. What was missing, of course, was discipline and spanking. With it, I am emotionally fulfilled.
However, I think waiting is not the best strategy. One reason is simply it is unfair not to tell her of needs that are so deep that might later sabotage your relationship. But a better reason is that early in a relationship is the interval when she may be more open to exploring unfamiliar (to her) aspects of sexuality—and it is also the time she is going to be motivated to show that she wants to meet your needs. What I am suggesting probably actually happens rarely. But in today’s world –with the increasing honesty about sexuality (especially for emerging generations), it could work.
There was also an unexpected diversion into the topic of pre-spanking erections. Maybe I’ll do a full topic on that in the future, though we covered it pretty thoroughly in the comments.
As the week was winding down, I got this topic suggestion from Glenmore, along with two of his drawings:
Just another potential suggestion for your blog. I have attached a couple of scenarios that are likely fantasies for many of us, but my question is how many of us would actually do this, and how would we react if this really happened?
· Would it be worse if you did or didn’t know the other men and women?
· How would you feel about being spanked by the other women, and would you have a problem with your wife spanking the other men?
· Do you like it but would prefer it just remained a fantasy?
Just a few thoughts and I’m sure you could add a few more.
Glen’s illustrations centered on multiple spankers and spankees coming together for a disciplinary session. I’ll answer his questions on that specific scenario, but I’ll also broaden his question a bit to include: “Are there DD or FLR-related scenarios you fantasize about but probably would not actually do if given the opportunity?”
My answer to Glen’s specific questions are:
“Would it be worse if you did or didn’t know the other men and women?” I don’t have a real opinion on which would be “worse.” But, I do think whether I knew the other men might have a big impact on whether I would ever fantasize about, or be attracted to, such a scenario in the first place.
For me, “authenticity” is a big driver of my DD interest. If there isn’t some element of real accountability/punishment in it, I don’t have much attraction to it. If a session involved only men and women I didn’t know, I think it would feel like a game or party. I wouldn’t say I have zero interest in ever attending a spanking party, but whatever level of interest I have is quite low. So, while I think the scenario is very unlikely to ever happen, any fantasy I would have about it would probably be limited to it happening with someone I actually know.
“How would you feel about being spanked by the other women, and would you have a problem with your wife spanking the other men?”
Being spanked by another woman isn’t a huge fantasy for me, but I admit to being more than a little intrigued by stories Aunt Kay’s husband has shared about being sent to another woman for a session.There are also stories on the DWC website—like “Military Duty Calls” in which a female soldier going on deployment sends her husband to her mother for a spanking—that I am attracted to, as long as there is a strong, real disciplinary component.
As for whether I would have a problem with Anne spanking the other men in Glen’s joint scenario, the simple answer is no. While it’s hard to know for sure, I honestly don’t think I would have any problem with Anne spanking any man in any real disciplinary scenario. I’m not sure whether I would want to see it happening, but I don’t think I would have any problem at all with her doing it. In fact, although I think the chance of it happening is virtually nil, I would have tell her to go for it if the situation ever presented itself.
“Do you like it but would prefer it just remained a fantasy?” Glen’s specific scenario doesn’t really rise to the “fantasy” level for me. But, I could see it being something I would be open to exploring under the right scenario. I think it probably would have to be limited to one other couple. I would need to have some kind of personal connection to the other husband, though that could include someone I’ve known only electronically through this blog. Even though I see other men naked in the gym almost daily, I suspect the full nudity would be at least as embarrassing as the spankings. Would I do it if Anne ordered such a thing? Undoubtedly yes. Is it a scenario I would actively pursue in real life? Probably not.
As for my own question as to whether there are DD or FLR-related scenarios you fantasize about but probably would not actually do if given the opportunity?”
It may seem odd for someone who spends as much time writing about DD as I do, but I don’t have that many fantasies about it. And, I suspect the ones I do have are not the least bit appealing to most of you.
I’ve often commented on how envious I am of JR’s woodshed stories, and I do have a thing for both woodsheds and barns and would very much like to experience a real disciplinary spanking in one. There’s nothing controversial or even all that interesting about that fantasy, of course.
However, many of the stories I’ve read that include those elements involved male spankers. There are no shortage of stories out there about being taken to the woodshed by a father or uncle. Although the woodshed/barn scenario is appealing to me by itself, the M/m aspect of many of those stories also appeals to something deep within me.
In fact, the photo immediately above is one I came across a long time ago as part of a spanking story that involved a dominant male who was in a D/s sort of relationship with a couple. The husband had done something the dominant male and the wife agreed should be punished, but the wife kept blowing off phone calls to schedule it. So, the dominant male interrupts a dinner party the couple was hosting and lets the husband know he will make a scene if he does not accompany him to a horse barn on the couple’s party. Once there, he whips him to tears before letting him go back to the party. That story is one of the first in the spanking genre that I recall having a very strong reaction to. A big part of my DD need is rooted in wanting to have my will overcome such that I am held to account even when I don’t want to go along with it.
I’ve also recounted that, while I seldom dream about spanking, a particularly vivid one I did have involved being taken from a party at work to be spanked by a male office manager, with everyone in the party (including Anne, my mother and my dad) knowing it was going to happen.
Are these M/m stories and dreams something I might fantasize about but would never do in real life? I don’t know. I think that much of my DD attraction is rooted in power dynamics and parental authority, including both maternal and paternal authority. My morbid desire to have discipline imposed is less gender-specific than it probably is for most of you. And, in the very unlikely event that Anne was to order such a thing, would I go along with it? Almost certainly yes.
There is a sense in which Anne’s recent assertiveness, and the “goal achievement” and procrastination check-ins we recently implemented, has been a long-term fantasy, and one I could come to regret. Just like the M/m and woodshed spanking scenarios appeal to me because they involve being literally and psychologically taken to a place outside my “control zone,” a lot of what Anne and I are exploring involves her increasingly setting the rules, enforcing them when and how she sees fit, and generally empowering her in ways that I may have less and less control over as she explores these more aggressive and assertive parts of her personality.
Most of my other DD-related fantasies are pretty pedestrian and involve being spanked in unconventional or risky places, like the backseat of a car or in the woods. I definitely would go along with anything like that if Anne wanted to.
How about you? How do you feel about Glen’s scenario and his questions about it? Is it something you are attracted to? Is it an attraction you would be game to pursue in real life, or is it one of those things that is better as a fantasy? Are there other fantasies that fall into that category?
“The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.” – Aunt Kay
[Note: I’m experimenting with transferring my main blog–located at http://www.disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com–to WordPress. To join the discussion or join the comments quoted below, please go to my main blog.]
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was okay, though we had relatives visiting for part of it and Anne had a major social event to plan for and carry out. By mid-week, we both were pretty worn out and just looking forward to life getting back to normal. It seems like 2024 is off to a hectic start, though not necessarily in a bad way.
I also spent a little too much time on some local political stuff that included a little too much of what passes for “discussion” in on-line community groups. Last year, I put myself on a “news diet” after I got a little too obsessed with the Ukraine war and media political coverage. I started noticing the negative impact it was having on my emotional health. It may be that 2024 needs to be the year of the social media diet.
Because we were so busy with other things, I haven’t had a lot of time to focus on a truly new topic for this week. Now that I’ve outed myself about writing on the Medium [insert url] platform, however, I’m going to leverage an article I posted there. I promise not to do this very often, as I admit it’s more than a little lazy. But, I did really want to introduce that separate audience to some of the old Disciplinary Wives Club, which is harder now that the actual site is down. And, in the course of doing that, I was reminded how much I’ve loved one story in particular, which was written by one of our semi-regular commenters, “al.” who also goes by Alan Smith.
So, here’s my little tribute to his story, which was entitled Even More and appeared in the “Fiction” section of the DWC website.
I’m reprinting the full story here with his permission, intermixed with some spanking visuals. Then I’ll talk a little about why it resonated for me. I won’t include specific topic questions, so just jump in with any comments you may have. Again, I don’t plan to take this lazy approach very often.
***
All things considered, Susan had been quite patient. For a good ten minutes, she had listened to David’s rantings flow through the telephone in a seemingly incessant stream. She was not altogether unsympathetic to his frustration. Nevertheless, he was just being plain grumpy and irritable. And the solution was all too obvious. “David, stop. This discussion has ended and you are in for a long hard spanking tonight. Maybe that will give you something else to think about for a while,” Susan pronounced.
Immediately a bolt of terror flashed through the pit of David’s gut. A trip over Susan’s knee was not the stuff of fun and fantasy. He did not want a dose of Susan’s hairbrush. And he especially did not want one tonight. Already depressed and upset over their argument, he was definitely “not in the mood” for the thorough bottom blistering that he knew Susan would deliver.
The immediate change in David’s tone and attitude was nothing short of remarkable, “Oh, please, Susan, not that, not tonight. I am really, really sorry. I just got carried away, that’s all. You know how much I love you. I never meant to upset you. I promise — not another word about it.” Susan replied softly but unyieldingly, “I know you love me, David, and you’ll love me even more after I finish spanking you tonight. I know you don’t think so now, but you will. I love you, too, David, and you’ll just have to trust me — you need a good sound spanking. It really is for the best. But I have to get back to work now. So I’ll see you when I get home, and we’ll take care of it right then and there, and get it out of the way. Bye now.”
David slowly hung up the phone and buried his face in his hands, a sinking feeling settling into his stomach as his bottom began to twitch and tingle involuntarily as he nervously anticipated his forthcoming ordeal. Soon, David sank into a solemn reverie. He had only himself to blame. He had been in the wrong, and they both knew it. And why he had lost control and started with his whining and ranting was incomprehensible. He had been spanked more than once for that same thing, he certainly should have known better.
David briefly pondered the idea that maybe this was the time to give up their disciplinary relationship. Susan had told him that he could opt out of the arrangement at any time if he had truly decided it was not for him after all. But she would not go back and forth with it, playing games. He either wanted to be a disciplined husband, or he didn’t. She would not leave him over his decision to cancel their contract, but neither would she remain in a relationship with constant bickering and arguing. If he did not choose to have her impose discipline on him, he would have to find a way to become self-disciplined.
But he would not end it and they both knew it. Despite his genuine dread of the excruciatingly painful paddlings he received bare bottom over Susan’s knee, he did not really want to give them up. The spankings were undeniably both unpleasant and quite painful, but the idea of his submission in a way that redeemed him through very real physical pain, and in a way that many would find humiliating and degrading satisfied him in a way that was completely beyond his comprehension.
And, he had asked for the relationship, he reflected, as his thoughts drifted back over the past couple of years.
It had started as play, with David introducing spanking into their sexual explorations. While spanking had been a lifelong fantasy for David, Susan had thought it somewhat kinky at first, but had gradually warmed to the idea. Although they had switched some at first, it soon became evident that David’s passion was to bottom, and Susan surprised herself by discovering how much she enjoyed the sense of power and domination she experienced when playing the top role.
The spankings had remained light and playful for a time, with Susan giving David relatively brief hand spankings, and maybe a few swats with a padded ping pong paddle, prior to their making love. David had experienced little actual pain, mostly a mild sting, with an occasional zinger thrown in for good measure.
However, David’s real desire, so he believed, was a real disciplinary spanking, the kind he had read of so many times in the stories that appeared on the Net. Countless times he had fantasized about being taken over a woman’s knee, and his bare bottom subjected to a long and hard paddling with the hairbrush, the kind that would leave his rear red and blistered, and tears in his eyes.
But David just couldn’t bring himself to express these secret desires to Susan. He was already struggling with the idea that he was somehow diminishing his masculinity by taking the bottom role, even in the mild spanking play they had enjoyed thus far. To ask her to deliver the kind of disciplinary spanking he so often fantasized about, and to explain what that entailed, was simply too much for him.
The fateful event that was to change all that was so simple it was almost anticlimactic. David found a website. He was just surfing when he stumbled on “The Disciplinary Wives Club”. Here he marveled as “Aunt Kay” encouraged wives to take matters “in hand” with their bad boy husbands, and even included detailed instructions on how to properly spank their errant spouses. And they were exactly the kind of spankings he so often fantasized about, perhaps even more so.
He had read with almost morbid fascination Aunt Kay’s section on techniques, in which she advocated bare bottom, over the knee spankings, delivered long and hard with the legendary hairbrush. When hubby was finally let up, she had postulated, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees quivering, and his bottom very well blistered. Her concluding remark had been, “The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.”
That final remark haunted him, touched something deep and dark far down in his soul, as he read the pages in the site over and over. This was it, he finally admitted to himself, the realization of his fantasies, to be the disciplined husband of a disciplinary wife.
Sometime later, Susan returned from her shopping trip. And David, in a great leap of faith and courage, managed to smile and say, as casually and light-heartedly as he could possibly manage, “Susan, come take a look at this website. It looks like it’s right up your alley.”
Susan glanced over David’s shoulder to see what he had found, and immediately said, “Wow! What’s this about?”
She spent an hour or so seemingly engrossed in the information emanating from the screen, as David nervously scurried about, putting groceries away, making Susan a cup of coffee, and generally doing anything he could think of stay busy, trying not to drive himself insane wondering what she must be thinking.
Finally, Susan turned away from the screen. She remained silent for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts, and then said simply, “Dave, is this what you want?”
Dave hesitated and considered changing his mind, telling her that he just thought it was “funny” or “interesting”, considering their spanking play. But, he had come so far to even show her the site, he couldn’t lie to her now.
Soon he replied, softly, seriously, “Yes, Susan, I think it is. At least I think I would like to experience it.”
Susan surprised him with a smile and a giggle, “Oh good! I was hoping you would say that. Are you ever in for it the next time you leave the toilet seat up!”
They laughed together, and with the ice broken, talked for hours about their desires, and the details of their arrangement. David was able to confess his most secret fantasies, and Susan was able to admit that their spanking play had sparked something she didn’t know was in her, a passion for disciplinary dominance.
By dinnertime, they had typed up a preliminary contract outlining their rules for a disciplinary relationship and had gone out to their favorite steak house to celebrate their new arrangement. They had even stopped at the mall on the way home to find Susan a real wooden hairbrush.
They had no sooner arrived home than Susan followed David into the bathroom to discover that he had left the toilet seat up. “Damn it, David,” Susan exclaimed, “we just talked about you not leaving the seat up this afternoon. You know that was one of the things we agreed you would be spanked for.”
David stammered, “Sorry, I just forgot. You know it takes a while to break old habits. But I promise I won’t forget again.” David really had forgotten to lower the seat, lost in thought about all that had transpired through the day. And he was nervous. In spite of all his fantasies, the reality of the contract and the purchase of the hairbrush was beginning to sink in. He began to wonder if he had made a very big mistake.
“Well, David, we’re just going to help you make sure you don’t forget again. It looks like we’ll be breaking in this hairbrush sooner than I expected. Take off your pants and meet me at the sofa,” Susan replied curtly.
David gulped, “Don’t you think I should get one warning, Susan? Don’t you think that would be more fair?”
“David, you just signed a contract this afternoon agreeing to no arguments about your discipline, and now you’re already arguing. You asked for this arrangement, and you’re going to live up to it. Now, do as I said.” And with that, Susan had turned and walked away.
David removed his pants and underwear and followed Susan into the living room, finding her sitting in the middle of the sofa, hairbrush in hand.
Susan said nothing, but tapped the brush against her thigh, the signal they had agreed on for him to lie across her legs.
Remembering that the contract called for extra punishment for anything other than immediate compliance to this signal, he quickly laid him across her legs, the sofa supporting his body. As was suggested in “Aunt Kay’s” spanking tips, she wrapped her right leg over his two legs to help hold him in place once the spanking began.
David’s mind briefly wandered to remember the one time a few weeks later when he had argued about crossing her knee on command. That had been a serious error. Susan had jumped up and beat him mercilessly across his bottom and thighs. Grabbing his arm, she had chased him around in a circle, furiously swinging the paddle against his bare bottom and thighs, re-enacting that age-old spanking dance. He had finally managed to drop to the floor and beg for mercy. But Susan had been hardly merciful. He had still received his longest spanking to date over Susan’s knee, and after corner time, had been soundly switched for his disobedience. He had been reduced to sobbing by the time the nasty switch had worked its painful black magic on him. He would never make that mistake again.
Susan had begun that first spanking with, “David, I simply will not tolerate you leaving the toilet seat up. It is thoughtless and inconsiderate. We have already discussed that you will get a spanking for this, and that is exactly what is going to happen. And you can believe that you will be remembering this spanking every time you sit down for a few days to come, and maybe that will help you remember that I have to sit down on the toilet. Do you understand?”
Susan swung her hairbrush for the first time. WHACK!! It was only a moderately hard swat, but it was far different from the mild swats that he had received by hand and occasionally the padded ping pong paddle. It stung and burned and hurt. The very real pain of the hairbrush was a shock; David really had no idea of the reality of what he had so often fantasized about, but with first crack of the hairbrush, reality became all too clear.
He gasped, “Yes ma’am, I understand. I promise it will never happen again.” “I hope not, David, because the very next time you do, you will find yourself right back over my knee again, and I will have to spank you much harder and longer. Do you understand that also?”
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan alternated cheek to cheek, striking a bit harder this time, finding that she enjoyed the sense of power she felt. David yelped. The hairbrush stung him badly. He had no idea that it would really hurt so much. “Yes ma’am, I promise I understand. I promise I will never ever forget again.”
“Well, we’ll see. I’m sure you will try to remember after the I get through giving your bottom a good long blistering.” WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan delivered two to each cheek in rapid succession. She noted with satisfaction the pink glow that already beginning to form on David’s rear.
David groaned and buried his face in the sofa cushion. It hurt so bad. He could never have imagined.
“You really should be ashamed, David, having to have your bottom spanked like this. You would think a grown man could remember a simple little thing like leaving the toilet seat down.”
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan increased both the tempo and force of the swats, quickly administering four sharp swats to each cheek. His bottom began to turn a deeper shake of pink. David gasped, yelled, and swore into the pillow as the paddle burned and tormented his exposed back side. His rear was stinging badly now and he felt moisture beginning to form in the corners of his eyes.
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan moved lower this time, catching the underside of his buns with four brisk strokes each. She wanted to make sure she painted his entire bottom a bright red by the time she finished with him. If David really wanted to be a disciplined husband, she was going to make very sure that he knew what he was in for.Tears were forming in David’s eyes now, while he gasped and moaned as the merciless hairbrush set his ass on fire. He hoped he wouldn’t cry, but the pain was so overwhelming.
Susan paused for a moment. She had followed Aunt Kay’s advice to begin with sets of four and then eight before proceeding to the main spanking, a warm up to make sure the shock didn’t overwhelm him. David did appear to be over the initial shock. His head was buried in the pillow and his breathing was heavy. He seemed to have accepted his fate and given in to the ordeal to come.
So Susan got down to business, peppering David’s quickly reddening bare bottom with a nonstop rain of wooden terror. She made certain no spot went unpunished, painting his entire rear and upper thighs a colorful collage of pink, red, and purple.
David braced himself when the swats resumed, hoping he could endure the next set without totally losing his composure. But the terrible hairbrush kept coming, viciously attacking his tortured bottom. The stinging pain was overpowering, nothing like he had ever imagined. Somewhere around the twelfth swat of the latest barrage, he finally gave in and pleaded, “Susan, please stop! I’ve learned my lesson. I swear!”
Susan only replied, “Stop!? Hon, I’ve only just begun. I’m going to make damn sure you know what you have coming to you when you don’t listen to me! And I’m going to make sure you keep on remembering every time you sit down for the next week.” At Susan’s pronouncement of an extended sentence, David completely lost his composure, kicking, begging, pleading, and screaming as the paddle continued its relentless and savage assault on his battered buttocks.
Susan was not at all sympathetic to David’s plight. She briefly considered that she must have a natural inclination for this sort of disciplinary dominance. She was definitely experiencing a sense of satisfaction from the damage she was inflicting upon David’s now red bottom, as well as his dramatic repentance.
The paddling continued unabated. Susan worked the hairbrush repeatedly over every square inch of David’s glowing backside. She alternated cheek to cheek, thigh to thigh, top to bottom, then delivered several swats to a chosen sweet spot, before moving to the next.
David was lost to all but the searing, burning pain of the wood against his skin. He had tried to be strong and resist it, but it was too much. Finally, he gave into it. Tears turned to sobs as the paddle continued its seemingly unending dance across his severely tormented bottom.
And as David began to sob, Susan decided he had learned what a real spanking was all about. She knew this had been his fantasy, and she also knew that he was surely shocked by the reality of what he had asked for. His bottom was a solid red, spotted with purple bruises. He had kicked and screamed, begged for her to stop, and now was sobbing openly. Certainly, he must have had no idea of the truth behind his fantasy.
She completed David’s ordeal with a dozen swats, the hardest yet, all to the exact center of his bottom. David’s sobs became gut wrenching, but it was finally over. Slowly he had recovered, as Susan gently rubbed his bottom, and then taken him into her arms.
He found himself reflecting warmly on that first spanking, in spite of the awful pain to his backside. He vividly recalled the soreness he had experienced when sitting for the next several days. David’s reverie was suddenly interrupted by the clammer of the telephone. It was Susan calling on her cell phone to let him know that she would be home shortly and that he should assume the waiting position, meaning that when she walked through the door he would have to be standing naked in the corner. It was one of a number of traditions that had been established during his last two years as a disciplined husband.
David wasted no time stripping and heading for the corner. She would be home in no time, and he certainly did not want to earn a switching by not complying to the disciplinary rules Susan had set. A switching, in addition to whatever spanking he had coming anyway, had become the expected punishment for failing to follow the rules of discipline. David hated the switch the worst of all, and Susan knew it. So, she had reserved it for what she deemed the most serious of offenses, failure to immediately comply with her disciplinary instructions. If she allowed any slack with this, she knew he would soon become unmanageable. And she did not allow any slack at all. She showed absolutely no mercy when she had to use the switch on him, and David tried his best to make sure she did not have to use it often.
Momentarily Susan came in the front door and was immediately all business. She removed the hairbrush from her purse before setting it down.
Susan began, “David, how many time have you been spanked for ranting, bitching, and whining — five or six times? Well, obviously you are not getting the message. And I’ve really had enough of it. So, I’m going to try extra hard to make sure you get the message today. Just so you know what to expect — you’ll be getting the hairbrush and the strap. We’ll see if that will get through to you.”
David’s heart sunk, turning into a pit of fear and terror in his gut. His usual punishment was an over-the-knee hairbrushing, and occasionally a standup session with the big paddle or the strap, but, with the very rare exception of a switching for resistance, he’d never received an over-the-knee spanking and a standup spanking. The dread of his forthcoming ordeal was nearly overwhelming. It took all his will power not to argue, but knowing that arguing would add a switching to his punishment helped him to merely acquiesce and say, “Yes ma’am”.
Susan sat on the couch and said, “Come here, David.” David walked to stand on her right side, knowing the drill all too well. Susan looked somewhat irritated and asked, “And what do you say David?” David gulped and realized he should have asked for his punishment without prompting. It was another of the rules that Susan had implemented over time.
He quickly stammered, “Susan, I am so very sorry for ranting today. I know very well that I should have controlled myself. Would you please spank me, as long as hard as you think necessary, to help me learn to behave properly in the future?”
Susan answered simply, “Very well,” and tapped the brush against her leg. David quickly laid himself over her knee. Susan promptly repositioned him, wrapping one leg around him. And Susan immediately went to work, drowning his bare bottom in a veritable deluge of hard, stinging whacks. Lecturing him the whole time, she paddled his quickly reddening backside nonstop. As David had asked in the ritual request for his punishment, she did indeed spank him long and hard, administering perhaps two hundred cracks of the brush before finally finishing in a fierce volley that left David heaving and sobbing.
Still sniffling, try to regain his composure, Susan had led David to the corner. There Susan had ordered him to stand, hands at his side, and not to dare even think of rubbing his well blistered bottom.
His reprieve was short-lived, however, as Susan shortly returned with strap in hand. It was an old-fashioned razor strap, one that she had found rummaging in through an old chest in her parents’ attic. It was now kept well-oiled and ready for use. David had felt its bite a good dozen times before, but never immediately after a paddling. His bottom was still stinging and burning as Susan ordered him to assume the position.
David could barely stand the thought that he would be whipped again so soon after the very thorough paddling he had just received, but he did not hesitate, not daring to risk a switching also. So, he bent over the back of the spanking chair, grasping the seat firmly with both hands.
Susan wasted no time. As soon as he was bent over, the strap cut through the air and landed terrifyingly across his upper thighs. David literally screamed in agony.
But Susan showed no sympathy. Again and again the strap sliced through the air and cut into David’s already well-spanked bottom. By the time the twentieth stroke landed on his scourged rear, David was almost incoherent with pain and sobbing vociferously. His bottom was a jumble of red, black, blue, and purple. Bruises and strap marks intermingled.
Susan paused there, briefly wondering if she had perhaps gone too far. But remembering the advice given to her online by another disciplinary wife — better to err on the side of severity if you really want to make your point, she told David, “There will be five more. I want you to remember with each one what this punishment is for. I expect you to take control of yourself. I do not expect to hear any more of your ranting, bitching, and whining ever again. If I have to spank you again for this, God help you. Do you understand?”
David managed, between sobs, to reply, “Yes ma’am, I understand.” And then Susan delivered her final five cracks of the strap, each one finding its way across the middle of his very well-spanked bottom. And when it was over, it was over. The debt was paid, penance was done. Susan helped David up and held him, gently rubbing his burning rear. David sobbed, both from pain and emotional release. “That’s ok,” she whispered, “it’s all done now. I’m sure you’ve learned you lesson well this time.”
EPILOGUE
After David had recovered somewhat, they had gone out to their favorite restaurant. And despite some not inconsiderable discomfort sitting, David found himself in quite a good mood. The food, drinks, and service were excellent as always at the small steak house. However, it was so much more than that.
He sipped on his drink, reflecting. He had just received perhaps the most severe spanking that Susan had ever given him. Yet, he was content and satisfied. The air was clear. There had been no arguments or anger. He had misbehaved and Susan had lovingly disciplined him for it. He had taken his punishment and all was forgiven. It was over and done with.
He glanced across the table at Susan with warmth in his heart and a twinkle in his eye, realizing how much he loved this woman. She was not just his wife, but his lover, best friend, and soul mate. She did so much for him, took such good care of him, made him laugh when no one else could. Yet she would not hesitate to turn him over her knee and blister his bare bottom until he cried like a well-spanked schoolboy, if she felt his behavior merited it. And suddenly he realized, just as Susan had predicted, he did love her even more.
***
Here are some thoughts on why, in my opinion, this story exemplifies some common themes in these relationships.
It reflects the reality of how many of these relationships begin.
Many of the DWC fiction stories began with a fed-up wife imposing the disciplinary relationship on a reluctant husband. Others reflected a fully-baked DWC relationship, in which the wife’s authority was already fully established.
Even More was one of the few stories depicting a husband finding the DWC website, or discovering a need to take an erotic spanking relationship in a discipline or FLR direction, followed by the embarrassing and painful aftermath of that discovery. While the DWC stories in which the wife imposed the relationship on a reluctant husband were very emotionally powerful to me, the scenario in which the husband requests the disciplinary was under-represented yet much more true-to-life.
In the story, David has a pre-existing interest in erotic spanking, but until he discovers the DWC, it’s just a garden-variety kink. The disciplinary aspect is something different. It’s darker. Deeper. More disturbing yet also has a morbid attraction that the purely erotic spankings don’t.
“He had read with almost morbid fascination Aunt Kay’s section on techniques, in which she advocated bare bottom, over the knee spankings, delivered long and hard with the legendary hairbrush. When hubby was finally let up, she had postulated, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees quivering, and his bottom very well blistered. Her concluding remark had been, “The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.”
That final remark haunted him, touched something deep and dark far down in his soul . . .”
That is exactly how that quote from the DWC hit me. It was “haunting.”
The embarrassment, and vulnerability, are palpable.
The prospect of tears and a blistered bottom truly did scare the hell out of me. I couldn’t imagine experiencing such a thing, yet I couldn’t stop imagining it.
David discovers the DWC, becomes obsessed, feels compelled to bring it to his wife’s attention — and is embarrassed to his core the whole time. He presents a light-hearted front, but inside he’s a bundle of embarrassed nerves.
Even when a husband and wife have played with erotic spankings, there is something very different, something much more ego-threatening, about asking for real disciplinary spankings.
It’s not the difference in severity. It’s the prospect of a transformation in the very power structure of the relationship. David knows deep down inside that he’s suggesting something that, if made real, will result in his wife having a new level of control and authority over him, if only when it comes to discipline.
Although, there is the line about her finding she had a gift for “disciplinary dominance,” which to me indicates that from the beginning things were heading in the direction of her taking more command of the relationship as a whole.
David learns important truths about himself, and the couple’s overall marital communications go from good to great.
We who are into these lifestyles know that it’s very rare that there is a “natural” disciplinary wife who imposes or even raises the issue. More often, it is the man who has these deep-seated desires. He brings it up, and the wife goes along with it as an accommodation. Or, maybe she’s into the kink but taking on the role of a real disciplinarian isn’t something she’s ever even considered. It’s probably also very often the case that the couple starts with erotic spanking, but it becomes something more.
David and Susan start experimenting with erotic spanking, switching at first but then she quickly gravitates to the top role.
David then discovers the DWC. He’s already feeling a little emasculated by taking the “bottom” role in their erotic spanking adventures. But, he feels a compulsion to bring it to her.
She embraces it immediately with an enthusiasm that goes beyond what I personally experienced when I first brought the DWC to Anne. She didn’t comment very much when I first told her about it, in bed, with the lights off, so she couldn’t see how flushed I was with embarrassment. She took a look at the website the next day and, while she did agree to try it, I did get the sense she thought the whole thing was kind of weird. And, although she started delivering very hard paddlings and strappings very soon after our initial session, it took a lot for her to start really getting into the superior role in the way Susan immediately takes to in the story.
There also is an almost immediate improvement in the couple’s communication, though it seems to have been pretty good already, and the conversation itself leads to improved self-awareness. I suspect that is a hallmark of many genuine DD relationships – if the communication wasn’t already good, the husband never would have brought it up.
“They laughed together, and with the ice broken, talked for hours about their desires, and the details of their arrangement. David was able to confess his most secret fantasies, and Susan was able to admit that their spanking play had sparked something she didn’t know was in her, a passion for disciplinary dominance.”
“Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.”
David works up the courage to ask for what he thinks he wants. He gets it. For his relationship, it’s great. For his butt? Not so much.
The first spanking sucks, and it gets worse from there. Yet, no matter how bad they are in the moment, he knows he won’t give them up.
“But he would not end it and they both knew it. Despite his genuine dread of the excruciatingly painful paddlings he received bare bottom over Susan’s knee, he did not really want to give them up.”
That’s been my experience. I never, ever want real spankings, but I have a deep need for them.
That need is both emotional and practical. Something in David wants the dark, scary aspects of being subject to his wife’s authority. I feel his emotionally-rooted need.
For me, the need also exists in the practical sense. There are times, usually when I’ve gone through an unusually long stretch of uninterrupted good behavior, that I wonder if I’ve finally “outgrown” it.
Right around the time I have that thought, I inevitably crash right through the guardrails and end up over Anne’s knee. I hate it at the time but, the spanking ends just like the story — with me loving my wife even more.
Thanks for bearing with me and I hope you enjoy the Even More story if you haven’t read it before.
[Note: I’m experimenting with transferring my main blog–located at http://www.disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com–to WordPress. To join the discussion or join the comments quoted below, please go to my main blog.]
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Ours was pretty uneventful, which is mostly good though I also feel like we are in a big rut where DD—or more accurately, the absence of DD—is concerned. We got busy around the holidays and, even though I probably deserved multiple ones from Thanksgiving on, it didn’t happen. So, now it’s going on two months, and while I’m not exactly missing getting spanked, I do miss feeling more firmly under her control.
Of course, it’s not like there isn’t a real reason or two to get one, though it would probably involve expressly asking for one. In fact, somewhat ironically, the most obvious reason why I should get one is procrastinating on asking her to agree to a plan for dealing with . . . procrastination.
In my first post of the new year, I talked about how I felt like I stalled last year when it came to forward progress on big life goals. I spent some time between Christmas and New Years working through my thoughts about which post-retirement life goals I felt like I really wanted/needed to at least try for and came up with some ideas around concrete action items to move the ball forward. Now, here we are 20 days into January, and I’ve done little or nothing on any of them, including presenting anything about them to Anne to stimulate a discussion about whether she’s willing to supply some motivation.
While I didn’t get much accomplished this week and there was no disciplinary activity at home, it still was an interesting week for me where spanking and DD-FLR references were concerned.
First, as I talked about in a comment last week, I’ve been bingeing the series Fargo on Hulu. Season 4 is by far my least favorite of the five seasons, but it starts out with a bang. In the opening scene of the first episode, we are introduced to the narrator and major character, a brilliant and precocious black teenager in Kansas City in the 50s. We know she’s precocious because she says so in narrating a series of scenes in which she is either waiting in the principal’s office for a paddling or is being escorted back to class after a paddling. In one scene, she’s standing by her desk post-spanking and her teacher tells her to sit down. She declines after multiple attempts, making it clear she got the kind of paddling that makes sitting a very painful experience.
Even though the series is pretty new, it doesn’t exactly present these school paddlings as abuse with all the pathos and condemnation we might expect, though it is clear that 1950s racial dynamics are at the heart of why we see black teenagers being paddled by a white principal. In any event, while I have seen other school paddlings in movies and TV, this is perhaps the most explicit I’ve seen since Dead Poets Society.
Second, I overheard a conversation that had nothing to do with disciplinary spanking, but for someone with my proclivities, it might as well have. I had just finished a workout at the gym and decided to put in a few minutes in the sauna before showering. There were four guys in the sauna when I sat down, and they were having a very animated conversation. One of the participants was an older gentleman with a very heavy accent from somewhere in Africa. I’ve overheard some of his other locker room conversations, including one in which he said he is a professor at the local college. I have no idea how the conversation started, but as I settled in the professor was talking about how a friend of his advised that we all need to find a woman who is basically a controlling nag. The gist was something along the lines of, “My friend makes a good case that you don’t want a passive woman. You want one who is constantly nagging and pestering you. One who is always asking what you are doing and why. One that is always questioning your judgment.”
One of the younger guys looked flummoxed and asked, “Why the hell would I want something like that?”
The professor replied, “Because that is the way the world works. It nags you and pesters you and constantly shows how your judgment was wrong. You won’t make as many mistakes and will start making better decisions if your wife questions you constantly. She will keep you in line and keep you from making as many mistakes.”
I swear the younger guy then replied with, “Yeah, I can see that. Kind of like she’s holding me accountable.”
I smiled broadly and nodded along.
Third, a few weeks ago a commenter here said (I presume tongue-in-cheek) “Do you have any idea how many warmed bottoms you have been responsible for?” I replied that if he meant men who had decided to try DD because of this blog, I thought the number was probably very low. My experience has been that most of the men who have found this blog did so after they were already in a DD or FLR relationship. Well, this week a guy reached out to me by email and said he had read some of my stuff and was planning to ask his wife to give him real disciplinary spankings. He kept me up to date as the discussions were going along, and his wife was receptive to the idea. I have to admit, it was gratifying.
Despite all those DD-related cues, this is another week that I struggled a bit to come up with a topic. But, one of Alan’s comments from a week ago gave me an idea. In discussing leaving instruments on display, he said:
We have a different approach to the display of her disciplinary tools. It is something we used early at my suggestion and something she has returned to many times. She had an old-style armless straight-backed chair when we met. It became her go-to, along with the couch, when she spanked me OTK. She kept it in a guest bedroom, where she often took me for punishment.
After marriage, I suggested she keep it in our bedroom in a corner with a hairbrush on it to remind me of her authority. She did so, and it really worked.
His reference to being spanked in two different bedrooms made me curious about which rooms in the house others are spanked in. I realize this is a narrow, pedestrian topic—right up there with “what’s your least favorite instrument”—yet it is something I genuinely am curious about.
Also, since Alan’s comment centered on a piece of furniture, let’s also talk about which items of furniture you have incorporated into your spanking sessions.
This an area where we are not very adventurous. Since the kids grew up and moved out, 99% of our spankings have been in our bedroom.
Since rediscovering OTK a couple of years ago, the vast majority of spankings have been with her sitting on a large leather ottoman at the foot of our bed.
There also have been a few with her sitting on the bed. On the rare occasion (these days) that she’s using a strap or large paddle, it tends to be with me bending over the side of the bed.
In earlier days, it was very common for her to strap me while I was laying on the bed, draped over several large pillows.
A couple of months ago, she decided to spank me in one of the guest bedrooms. The change of scene definitely added a little something to the experience, as did the fact that we live in one of those depressing suburban neighborhoods with small lots, with houses absurdly close together. The way that room is configured, the bed is very close to a window that faces dead-on one of the windows in my neighbor’s house, with only a few yards separating the two. While Anne did decide to close the window shades, there still was a non-trivial risk that a spanking could be overheard.
In the old days, when we had little kids in the house, spankings almost always took place in the basement, usually with me draped over the arm of a couch or a small stool.
That’s really about it. Like I said, we haven’t been very adventurous.
How about you? Which rooms in your house or apartment have you been spanked in?
Bedrooms?
Home office/library?
Kitchen?
Living room/family room?
Bathroom?
Let’s also add other “rooms” on the property, like garages, barns, and the iconic woodshed.
[Note: I’m experimenting with transferring my main blog–located at http://www.disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com–to WordPress. To join the discussion or join the comments quoted below, please go to my main blog.]
Nail up some indecency in plain sight over your door; from that time forward you will be rid of all respectable people, the most insupportable folk God has created. — Paul Guaguin
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Like much of the rest of the country, we are huddling inside trying to stay warm. As much as I appreciate the inspirational humor in this meme, I wouldn’t think about it where we live, as something would likely freeze and fall off.
Although we had a good discussion last week, I feel like some of our regulars are still enjoying the holidays. Truth be told, a half-month into the new year I too don’t really feel like 2024 has gotten started. There’s the weather that I mentioned, keeping us in what feels like I state of suspended animation. We also had some family and household obligations during the first two weeks of this new year that ending up taking up more time and emotional commitment than we really saw coming. The result has been that 2023 ended with more of a whimper than a roar where all things DD were concerned, and that hasn’t changed much in 2024. The result is, I still haven’t presented Anne with my thoughts on some personal goals I would like help with and, in fact, I haven’t even finalized my own thoughts on the specifics of that ask. So, I guess you could say that 2024 is starting out like most other years – irrational optimism fizzling quickly upon encountering real life.
The discussion of leaving instruments on display covered some good ground, though it seems like most of us who responded were, in fact, fairly comfortable leaving instruments of some sort on display, even if in doing so we were depending on any visitors not actually discerning that the items on display are, in fact, associated with spanking.
Something we also probably should have talked about more is the possibility of someone inadvertently coming across a spanking implement, and what our reaction was (or likely would be).
Some, like Spanked Cowboy and Norton, seem to be pretty comfortable with more or less open displays. Norton even saw it as a possible conversation starter:
“Leaving spanking implements out is an appealing idea, as it is an open invitation for guests to inquire about it. We sometimes have a paddle hanging on the wall, but it is hidden if any guests are around. I did forget to hide it once, but she didn’t ask about it. My cleaning lady discovered a paddle under the bed, and she put it on the bedside table, but she never asked about it. In general, it’s a great idea, and it could lead to sharing your DD with others. If they aren’t comfortable inquiring about it, then they won’t say anything.”
My own inclinations are probably closer to Alan’s, which I might describe as “less is more.”
“We have a different approach to the display of her disciplinary tools. It is something we used early at my suggestion and something she has returned to many times. She had an old-style armless straight-backed chair when we met. It became her go-to, along with the couch, when she spanked me OTK. She kept it in a guest bedroom, where she often took me for punishment.
After marriage, I suggested she keep it in our bedroom in a corner with a hairbrush on it to remind me of her authority. She did so, and it really worked.
She has spanked me in that chair, but that is not the reason it works. I know I am, in fact, unlikely to be spanked in our bedroom. It works because it is a regular reminder to me of her authority and what can happen if I forget that.
Just seeing it over and over has deepened my commitment to obedience to her. And she has told me that it makes her feel powerful when she really looks at it. No one except her mother and one sister is ever in our bedroom, so we can leave it there except when they are expected, or we are traveling or on vacation.
I also get a sexual tingle from it sometimes, and I suspect she does, too. The chair with a hairbrush on top makes a statement that is very powerful emotionally and sexually. But it’s very different from leaving disciplinary tools around where they may be seen. It’s very private and personal. Her sister has seen me spanked, and her mother knows she spanks me. But neither of them has ever seen the chair.
I’ve talked about how Anne and I leave her ebony hairbrush and bath brush on open display in the master bath. While a visitor to our bathroom might draw certain conclusions, for me the display functions more as private reminder. Though, as I’ll talk about more below, at this point I don’t have any big concerns about someone drawing their own conclusions.
The topic of leaving spanking instruments on open displays segues nicely into Alan’s suggested topic, which we’ll take up this week, i.e. being “out”:
Dan, this probably deserves its own topic someday, offering folks a chance to think through and express their feeling about being “out”. Like most I am in conflict over it and conflict as usual produces paralysis when left unresolved. But one’s sexuality is so central to who we are that hiding it at best misses an important opportunity to self-actualize. The example of the LGBTQ+ community is so instructive re: what happens when hidden sexual minorities assert their rights. People in DD relationships, male and female, no matter what side of the paddle you are on, deserve the right to remain private but also the right to be open if they choose. And anyone who chooses to demean us on any grounds is as much of an empty-headed bigot as the racist or gay- basher down the street.
I get the conflict Alan feels around openness and being “out.” Hell, my approach to this blog probably epitomizes it. I obviously feel some deep need to talk about this lifestyle, since I’ve been doing so here on a weekly basis for almost a decade.
Yet, it’s also true that I use a pseudonym and don’t share many identifying details. There is only one vanilla person in my life who (for sure) knows about our DD activities, and there are only four or five others who I’ve met through this blog and have formed a relationship with that includes some personal contact and knowledge of the other’s real identity.
Do I wish for a greater degree of “outing”? Yes and no. On the one hand, most of the time I don’t feel any compelling need to share more than I already do. But, I do think that my overly paranoid concerns about confidentiality have cost me some opportunities for connections that I wish I had not missed out on.
The best example is Aunt Kay of the Disciplinary Wives Club. I learned about the DWC when it was still functioning like an actual club of sorts, with participants having real contact with each other and particularly with Aunt Kay and her husband “Jerry.” Within a couple of years, it had started its decline, with website functions vanishing one by one. I did exchange a few emails with Kay before she passed away, and she was familiar with this blog and told her husband she hoped I would keep the DWC spirit moving forward, and I’ve since formed a real relationship with him. Yet, I regret that my concerns about “coming out” and disclosing my identity kept me from initiating more real contact with Aunt Kay and others in the DWC before it was too late.
Also, I’m sure that being so closeted about this has cost us in terms of the consistency we both think would help with behavior correction through deterrence. It’s not as big an issue now that we are empty-nesters, but not being more “out” certainly set a pattern that we’ve never really escaped from despite having the house to ourselves most of the time.
So, although many of us think about what it might cost us if we were “out,” it’s wrong to assume that there are no costs associated with not being out, if only the cost of lost opportunities for community and connection.
Therefore, knowing there is a cost to not outing myself, why have I not come fully out of the DD closet? Honestly, most of it is just inertia and also a feeling that it probably wouldn’t change much in the way I live my day-to-day life. I can truthfully say that since retiring, most of the time I have neither a great fear of being outed or a great desire to open that part of myself up to the world.
I’m also not sure where Anne is these days on the whole “openness” thing. I’ve talked about how over the last year she started spanking me with the window shades open, which creates at least the theoretical chance that a neighbor could get an eyeful. Yet, it also may be telling that, for the handful of people who know about our DD and know my real identity, the reason they know is because I told them. As far as I know, in twenty years of this thing we do, Anne has not told anyone herself, though she is open about it with the one vanilla friend I told.
I feel like I’m not the norm in that respect and that, among those who are partially “out” it has more typically been the wife who has decided to do that outing, whether it is telling a sister or girlfriend and/or inviting someone to witness or overhear a spanking. In fact, in going through my collection of spanking art for this post, I could not find a single meme or piece of spanking art depicting a scenario in which the husband did the outing and, in most instances, the scenarios implicitly or expressly involved a wife deciding to “out” the DD relationship to others over her husband’s objections or at least without his affirmative consent.
And, for those who are closeted, it’s an interesting thought experience to test the extent to which real power has been ceded to the wife to ask what if she told you she wants to be more openly in charge? What if she told you that she wants it be clear that she wears the pants? What if that included her disclosing to anyone she chooses that she spanks you?
And, which would you find more embarrassing for others to know – that she spanks you, that those spankings are for real punishment and discipline, or that she has some degree of unequal authority in your relationship? Your answer might shed some light on a question that may be implicit in the connection Alan drew between being “out” about DD and “out” about sexual orientation, i.e. what is your assessment of where society is in terms of both gender equality and openness to kink? Is there a consensus that society is becoming more accepting of spanking if it is a kink but not if it is a tool used to reinforce a man taking second place to his wife in the decision-making hierarchy?
I also very recently came across this piece of spanking art, which to me raises all sorts of interesting feelings about the prospect of total strangers knowing. Why do we care so much about the judgment of strangers?
If any of the wives would like to join in, I would personally be very curious what you think about openness and “outing.” To what extent are you currently “out” about your disciplinary or FLR lifestyle? Would you feel embarrassed if others knew about it? If so, why, given that you aren’t the one being spanked or bossed around? Do you have concerns about “outing” your husband, or would you see that as part of the process of reinforcing your role or, perhaps, humbling him?
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The Disciplinary Couples Club 